Let’s talk about love. How does love rewire the brain? When we meet somebody new and exciting, they invade our synapses like a virus, triggering neurochemicals that feed into attraction, arousal, even obsession. We get distracted. We think about that special someone all the time, even in the middle of a brilliantly stimulating lecture. But we’re not just thinking about them. We’re building an internal model…A simulation that helps us predict what they’ll think or how they’ll feel. Of course, relationships get into trouble when the simulation meets reality. Which begs the question… do we ever really fall in love with another person, or just with our idea of who they are?

Perception Series 2, Episode 2 – Alienation

A simple and complete explanation. And if we follow that, assuming there is no external interference, will there be more breakages in a love marriage or an arranged one? In a love marriage, you fixate on a person, run the simulation sequence and create a visualization.

  1. Will the initial interaction match the simulation?
  2. Will the one-to-one interaction part of the simulation match the reality?

If both of them match, we see love blossom. If love blossoms, various other parts of the simulation kick in and will compare the show with the reality. Note that the story is between two persons only. The real litmus test will be when others, meaning, the parents, become a part of the situation and oppose the relation. Since their acceptance is also a part of the simulation and because it didn’t fit the reality, the first fights ensue. It’s a clash of wills where one will win or lose. If the lover wins, it’s a happy ending. If he doesn’t he rejects his parents or surrenders to his will. If he rejects his parents, are the hardships a part of the simulation? If the parents accept, the next test will be when the marriage happens. Will the post married life – family, relations, responsibilites fit the simulation?

These last two cases are the main reason why marriages fail. You don’t anticipate the hardships and you don’t anticipate the hardships in running a house. If your will is strong enough to adjust to these, the marriage will prosper. Assuming, there are no other factors which don’t alter the simulation drastically.

Come to an arranged marriage. The brain need not do all this work. Your simulation is created once you interact with the person and the families. The chance of this matching the reality is far higher than that of a love marriage, but, it has got it’s problems – what if the will of one of the players strong enough to alter the simulation?

And besides all these, what happens when the simulations in both the brains are not in sync with each other?