Brother footmen! met together, I address you from the chair
On the subject of the Omnibus that desecrates our Square.
In the past our ‘appy Hengland ’ad one jewel in her crown
Which your Bradlaughs and your Gladstones dar’sn’t wenture to pull down!
There was one spot in our Island where wulgarity was rare!—
Need I trouble you by mentioning the name of Gruvnor Square?
Oh! ’ere indeed was manners! In the land it stood alone
For its genooine secloosion and the ’ighness of its tone.
It was ’ealthy! it was ’appy! It was priviledge to stand
On the doorsteps of the ’aughty and the ’ighest in the land!
And the British public knowed it, for their tone was lowered when
Their heyes beheld the gorgeous mansions of the Hupper Ten!
Even the cabbies when they entered on our precincts ceased to swear
And with bated breath the growler meekly crorled along our Square
We ‘ad chariots, we ’ad britskas. We was strong and could assume
Toleration for the later hinnovation of the brougham!
But, as yet, we ’adn’t ’ansoms, much less what is even wuss!—
We was mercifully spared the degradation of the ’Bus,
With its “cads” and its “conductors,” and its knife-board full of Gents:
I ’ope I ain’t a-flyin’ in the face of Providence—
But wotever sins we’re guilty of, full penalties we bear
When ‘Im ’as plagued Egyptians sent the ’Buses to the Square!
When the Serpent came to Heden for to give the primal cuss,
He forestalled our present ruing; he was bodied like a ‘Bus!
He was blue and he was yaller; he was red and he was green!
He was all that was horrific; he was all that was obscene!
And they wrote upon ‘inn “Oundsditch,””Ampstead,”‘lghgate”—even wuss!
You might read the foul word “Chelsea” wrote out brazen on the ‘Bus!
We, too, ‘ad our little Heden, for our Square it blossomed then
With the mansions of our greatest and our ‘ighest noblemen,
Till there came thefill disaster what ‘as brought us to our knees
With a hominous beginning in the presence ofM.P.’s;
With their pocketsfill of money an aggression they would dare
And would join the Aristocracy by living in our Square!
Even brokers now and jobbers, when they’re rich by selling shares,
Tries to make theirselves respectable by coming to our squares,
Little thinking of our feelings or what tender chords they shock
When they quit theirfiul secloosion in the wilds of Bedford Pawk!
But there’s justice in the Hupwards, and they’ll meet it sure as Fate!
Their presumption will be punished, for we shan’t associate!
Brother footmen! wake your thunder; and don’t do the thing by halves!
Tear the knots from offyour shoulders! pull the padding from your calves!
Take the curl from out your whiskers! dust the powder from your hair!
Doffyour buckles and your buttons! show the depths ofyour despair
At the outrage put upon you by the ‘Buses in the Square!
Let us gather in our thousands! Let us depurate our Queen!
Let us throw ourselves upon her—on her sympathies, I mean.
She, at least, will understand us and our troubles with the ‘Bus
When we wenture to remind her—Mr. Brown was one of Us!
Let us make a hardent protest! Let us say, with one accord,
“Gracious Queen! there is a something what your servants as haborred!
Give us back our hancient Heeler: as a hanswer to our prayer,
And make ‘appy loyal Herzgland in the pusson of the Square!”
If ‘Er Majesty makes answer that she will, upon that day
We shall tell ‘er with our blessing ‘er petitioners will pray!—
If there isn’t such a answer, we will tell her we deplore
That the glory of our nation has departed evermore!
Welcome then the fell invader! Revolution, hurry up;
For you cannot add a single drop of bitter to our cup.
We shall fly from outraged London unto London-super-Mare,
Crying, “Ichabod! The glory has departed front the Square!”