When Kaiser Will’um was y’uth
He com’d t’Combe one day,
And at the big hotel out there
He stopped on holiday;
Young Kaiser Billy airly show’d
A liking for the sea,
So ev’ry morning for a dip,
He went t’Rapparee.
One morning after Mister Bill
Had had his usual swill,
He started chucking stones about,
(He never could keep still);
The bathing boxes catch’d his eye,
“Ah! Ah!” said he wi’glee,
“The painted numbers on the doors
Mine target now shall be.”
He found the range, and blazed away,
Delighted wi’ his skill
(He always was a decent shot,
Was lordly Kaiser Bill.)
Now Philip Price the boxes keep’d
Upon this shingly shore,
A sturdy chap of Devon breed
Was Phil, no less, no more.
Now Philip’s son was on the beach
Alfie that y’ungster’s name,
And when the paint begin’d t’fly
He shouted “What’s y’r game?”
With flashing eye and haughty mien,
The Kaiser faced the lad,
“Do you know who I am?” he cried,
And my! He looked some mad.
But boldly answered little Alf,
“I don’t care who y’u be,
I’ll let ‘ee know you don’t command
Down yur on Rapparee.”
The Kaiser up and landed Alf
A clout beside the jaw,
It knocked poor Alfie right down dap,
So sudden was the blaw.
But up he got and went for Bill
Just like a Devon bull,
I’m ‘fraid he didn’t stop t’think
‘Bout any golden rule;
He knocked the Kaiser on the nose
And tapped the r’yal blid,
And then he bashed ‘n in his eye,
Upon me word he did.
The Kaiser was a strapping chap,
Older than Alfie, too,
And though he couldn’t use his left,
His right was straight and true;
For he had l’arned the boxing art,
‘Mongst princes ’twas the rule,
While all the science Alfie know’d
He l’arned down Lower School.
Now up, now down, this bathing cove,
They punch’d, the clinch’d, they fal’d,
I s’pose it was a dre’dful sight
The way that chaps was mall’d;
Our Phil looked down from top the steps
And rubbed his hands wi’ glee,
To see Bill Kaiser’s claret tapped
Down there on Rapparee.
Bill’s tutor and attendants all
Had gone off round the rocks,
So when they com’d upon the scene
It giv’d ’em all gurt shocks;
They rinn’d between young Alf and Bill
And stopped their little game,
Then tutor turned to Bill and said:
“Your highness! Fie, for shame!
Lowering y’ur dignity like this
Fighting a peasant lad.
Whatever will y’ur mother say?
‘Twil make her feel quite bad.”
Then Kaiser turned to Alf, and said:
“Mine friend! You’ll rue this day
For what you’ve done t’mine poor nose.
Mine word! I’ll make you pay,
I’ll build big ships and gurt big guns,
Then one day I will come
And blow this place t’smithereens
And you…………..t’kingdom come.”
The germ of hate once planted
In this gentle “Germhun’s” breast,
The “Kultur” grow’d and spread apace,
He know’d no peace nor rest;
He builded Dreadnoughts and big guns,
And gurt big airships too,
And teached his soldiers the goosey-step,
Impressive sight I trow.
Then gazing on his handiwork
He said “Nigh is ‘The Day’
When I will cross the rolling deep
And make those English pay
For what that y’ungster did to me
When I was over there;
Mine nose have never been the same,
He bent it ……………. I declare.”
Bill’s tutor ‘fore he left the beach
Beg’d silence ’bout the job,
And just to keep his mouth shut tight
Giv’d Alfie thirty bob.
My tale is told and “Germhun” hate,
‘Tis very plain to see,
Was caused – because young Alf drash’d Bill
Way down on Rapparee.