Romeo, a man who curses men and likes women, while taking up some space.

Juliet, often the temporary affections of Romeo.

The Ghost,holds his liquor.

Hamlet, a man who is a bit jumpy.

Oberon, o.

Emilia, e.

Titus, t.

Ajax, n.

Angelo, a.

Shylock, s.

Lennox, l.

Bianca, b.

The Abbot of Westminster, w.

Desdemona, d.

Robin, r.

Capulet, ,.

Act I: Where the action is.

Scene I: Where the beginnings are located.

[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]

Hamlet:

Thou art as mighty as the sum of a proud rich trustworthy hero and a handsome Lord. Thou art as noble as the square of thyself. Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum.

The Ghost:

Thou art as good as the difference between a Lord and a Lord.

Scene II: Where bottles of beer are displayed.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]

The Ghost:

Thou art as good as the sum of thyself and a Lord.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Romeo and the Ghost]

Romeo:

Open your heart.

The Ghost:

You are a fine brave gentle bold amazing Lord.

[Exit The Ghost]

[Enter Bianca]

Bianca:

Speak your mind.

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and a golden hair. Speak your mind.

[Exit Bianca]

[Enter Oberon]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten oozing blister and a toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. Speak your mind.

[Exit Oberon]

[Enter Titus]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. Speak your mind. Speak your mind.

[Exit Titus]

[Enter Lennox]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten oozing blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. Speak your mind.

[Exit Lennox]

[Enter Emilia]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and the sum of a golden hair and the sum of a red rose and a flower. Speak your mind.

[Exit Emilia]

[Enter Shylock]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward and a cow.

[Exit Romeo]

[Enter the Ghost]

The Ghost:

Am I as good as a plum?  If not, Speak your mind.

[Exit the Ghost]

[Enter Romeo]

Shylock:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Shylock]

[Enter Oberon]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Oberon]

[Enter Juliet]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and the sum of a golden hair and the sum of a red rose and a yellow flower. Speak your mind.

Juliet:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Juliet]

[Enter Bianca]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Bianca]

[Enter Emilia]

Romeo:

Speak your mind. Speak your mind.

[Exit Emilia]

[Enter Robin]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward and a big cow. Speak your mind.

[Exit Robin]

[Enter Hamlet]

Hamlet:

Am I as good as a Lord?

If so, let us proceed to Scene III.

Am I as good as a fine Lord?

If so, let us proceed to Scene V.

Let us proceed to Scene III.

 

Scene III: Where a wall enters the picture.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Romeo and Oberon]

Oberon:

Speak your mind.

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Oberon]

[Enter Ajax]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten oozing blister and a smelly toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying  coward.  Speak your mind.

Ajax:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Ajax]

[Enter Titus]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Titus]

[Enter Juliet]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and the sum of a beautiful golden hair and a lovely red rose. Speak your mind.

[Exit Juliet]

[Enter Emilia]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

Emilia:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Emilia]

[Enter The Abbot of Westminster]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a normal furry little goat and the sum of a cow and a black hog and a horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile blister. Speak your mind.

[Exit The Abbot of Westminster]

[Enter Angelo]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a disgusting fat miserable dirty smelly toad and a cow and a horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile blister. Speak your mind.

[Exit Angelo]

[Enter Lennox]

Romeo:

Speak your mind. Speak your mind.

[Exit Lennox]

[Enter Capulet]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the difference between a huge big cow and the sum of a cursed vile evil plague  and a horrible huge hairy dirty smelly hog.

[Exit Romeo]

[Enter the Ghost]

The Ghost:

Am I worse than an animal?

If so, let us proceed to Scene VI.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Hamlet and Capulet]

Hamlet:

Am I as good as a Lord? If so, speak your mind.

[Exit Capulet]

[Enter Romeo]

Hamlet:

Am I as good as a son?

If so, speak your mind.

Am I as good as a brother?

If so, let us return to Scene II.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Juliet and Capulet]

Capulet:

Remember me. Recall my last remark.

[Exit Capulet]

[Enter Romeo]

Romeo:

Thou art as fine as the sum of thyself and a red rose. Speak your mind.

Let us return to Scene IV.

Scene IV: Where a line ends.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Romeo and Juliet]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer’s day. Speak your mind. Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]

The Ghost:

Thou art as good as the difference between thyself and thyself.

Let us return to Scene II.

Scene V: Where bottles are passed around.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Juliet and Capulet]

Capulet:

Remember me. Recall that I always tell you to do so.

[Exit Capulet]

[Enter Romeo]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of thyself and a gentle summer’s day. Speak your mind. Thou art as lovely as the sum of a rose and the sum of a lovely gentle summer’s day and a beautiful fine yellow flower. Speak your mind.

Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a small animal and a daughter. Speak your mind.

[Exit Juliet]

[Enter Titus]

Romeo:

Thou art as foul as the sum of thyself and a foul smelly oozing evil red blister. Speak your mind.

Thou art as foul as the difference between thyself and a foul smelly oozing evil red blister.

[Exit Titus]

[Enter Angelo]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Angelo]

[Enter Juliet]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and the sum of a fair warm golden hair and the sum of a little animal and a cat. Speak your mind.

[Exit Juliet]

[Enter Emilia]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

Emilia:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Emilia]

[Enter Oberon]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Oberon]

[Enter Ajax]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Ajax]

[Enter Emilia]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

Emilia:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Emilia]

[Enter Desdemona]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and a fair golden hair. Speak your mind.

[Exit Desdemona]

[Enter Oberon]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Oberon]

[Enter The Abbot of Westminster]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit The Abbot of Westminster]

[Enter Ajax]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Ajax]

[Enter Capulet]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

Capulet:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Capulet]

[Enter Juliet]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and the sum of a fair fine golden hair and a beautiful little red rose. Speak your mind.

[Exit Juliet]

[Enter Angelo]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Angelo]

[Enter Shylock]

Romeo:

Speak your mind. Speak your mind.

Shylock:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Shylock]

[Enter Juliet]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and the sum of a fair fine golden hair and a rose. Speak your mind.

[Exit Juliet]

[Enter Titus]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

Titus:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Titus]

[Enter Angelo]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Angelo]

[Enter Robin]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Robin]

[Enter Oberon]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Oberon]

[Enter Juliet]

Romeo:

Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer’s day and the sum of a fair fine golden hair and the sum of a beautiful little red rose and the sum of a little furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.

[Exit Juliet]

[Enter Ajax]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Ajax]

[Enter Desdemona]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

[Exit Desdemona]

[Enter Capulet]

Romeo:

Speak your mind.

Capulet:

Speak your mind.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Hamlet and The Ghost]

Hamlet:

Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum.

The Ghost:

Let us return to Scene II.

  Scene VI: The End.

[Exeunt]

[Enter Capulet and Juliet]

Capulet:

Remember me. Recall the last time we met.

[Exit Capulet]

[Enter Romeo]

Romeo:

Thou art as pretty as the sum of thyself and a furry animal. Speak your mind. Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer’s day. Speak your mind.

Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind.

[Exeunt]

Source: http://www.99-bottles-of-beer.net/language-shakespeare-664.html

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